Don't you just hate how other people ruin things for you? How they just deplete you of your happiness when you didn't even commit one damn crime against them? (ok new rule for me...its ok for me to cuss only when i'm mad...yeah its horrible i know but seriously...its too tempting)

My parents....arrrggggg....im seriously losing trust in them as each day passes by. Both of them really. I lost trust in my dad a long time ago, but now my trust in my mom is disintegrating little by little. I know some of you have good parents which I acknowledge and am happy for. And I know good parents exist. My parents I mean...they're basically good people i guess. My mom and dad abide by the laws. They generally think best for their children which is me and my sister. They work to give us a roof over our heads and food on the table. They never lie or cheat. But when you look at them as human beings...it catches up with them. My dad is just messed up inside...and my mom well she is actually one selfish little woman. Well actually I think they're both pretty messed up inside, you know, they've got their emotional baggage i could imagine. They're both actually incredibly narrow minded and extremely pessimistic. My dad is sick, my mom just has no compassion....catch them in their bad moods and you'd really be surprised. They're just not emotionally there. Maybe I'm blowing this thing out of proportion or maybe it's because they're asian. I myself am thinking this over...but live with them for at least a year as their own child and you'll know how much hurt there is.

I find myself hating my father and pitying my mother. I find myself wanting ideal parents. And it's so inhumane of me to think such thoughts. Am I such a cruel person for thinking these thoughts? I really am actually...but I can't help it.

Man that's why I want to get away from this town, this place. I want to be my own person, make my own money, map out my own life, do what i want for myself, etc. I want to be able to go to church whenever I want to. I want to be able to talk with someone and not be judged or told that I couldn't do it because of this and this. I want to feel again. Feel emotions and have memories again. Be strong...that's what i want to be more than anything in this world. I just want to be strong.

I can't wait to graduate high school and get certain things over with. I just want to break free of all these chains. It starts with me first. After I fix me, then i'm off to do fix my other problems...

I call it... the AP-factor. Asian parent/need for overachievers....

You realize you can never really let go of any ties to them until college is over. The big favor that isn't repaid....

Then again, I guess college isn't necessary. But people don't think that way around here.
» randomjunk on 2007-01-15 02:28:00

Yeah it's cool.
» randomjunk on 2007-01-20 07:12:54

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