Cross-posting this [LONG]:

I really need to write this for meee. It’s related to social anxiety. Thoughts are jumbled but this is important! :<

These are my notes on insecurity (chronic?)

-need an incentive to change how you think (my incentive: Sam. I want to be the most emotionally present and happy as I can be and not weigh Sam down with my statements of irrational thought to make him unhappy) In essence, I’m changing because of him but not for him. I want to build trust. People can have different incentives.

-identify triggers: being socially awkward (I thought about it and realized that I’m really not) it’s more about social rejection + fears associated with that

~Facebook and social media are huge triggers for me on days when I’m not feeling so hot (gonna use that as examples for general population)

~if it takes physical avoidance and self-isolation at times when you’re not able to socialize (ex. if you’re at home late at night and you start feeling insecure because people on Facebook seem to be living life more than you, STOP GOING ON FACEBOOK. Gain back that control and exit that shit)

-Insecurity has a lot to do with feeling powerless and having a sense of no/lost control. Anything that you can tangibly do to prove those feelings wrong can be helpful (ex: logging off Facebook) once you’ve identified a trigger/cause. Because once you’ve identified the cause, you can identify the effect (feeling insecure) and then reverse the relationship through action. Eliminate the cause and now you are left to deal with the insecure feelings. This also has to deal with me learning to be more assertive because I dealt with insecurity by being passive. So doing something rather than nothing can have wondrous, multiple effects.

- DELUSIONAL THINKING: Insecurity fills mind with irrational thoughts that you can actually believe to be true, which is incredibly detrimental. Once I believed that Sam didn’t love me anymore for a few minutes. It was if we had broken up, but we didn’t. I was so distraught but a small part of my brain knew I was being completely ridiculous but I didn’t have the mental fortitude to change the thought pattern. The reality was that he loved me, but I didn’t believe it. You can imagine how damaging that is not only for me, but for him too.

-so it can make simple things like accepting that Sam isn’t going to call me (irrational mind equates that with him not loving me) difficult to deal with.

THOUGHTS OF INSECURITY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR SELF-WORTH AS A HUMAN BEING. I THINK TO BE MORE SECURE, YOU HAVE TO SEPARATE THE TWO COMPLETELY. IT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT IS A PART OF YOUR IDENTITY. IT IS MORE LIKE A MENTAL DISEASE.


It makes you think things about yourself that can be hurtful to yourself. Every now and then it’s normal but if it hinders your daily functioning then something’s off (?) [need to expand on that] It feels like everything makes me insecure sometimes so I need to examine if that’s part of some larger mental problem or if there is really is such thing as “chronic insecurity.”

Insecurity is NOT:

-INDICATIVE OF WHO YOU REALLY ARE. JUST…NO. THAT’S INCREDIBLY INSULTING AND DEGRADING TO THINK THAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO ARE INSECURE A LOT. IT’S A TEMPORARY THING THAT CAN BE DEALT WITH.


-result of a weak/undeveloped mind

-indicative of your self-worth like I mentioned because no matter what you are INHERENTLY WORTH IT as a human being with all your good, bad, and ugly parts and that’s just the truth. Take the humanistic approach :>

-without reason I think. Something has to make you feel insecure. There’s ALWAYS a cause, whether you know it or not. It’s hard for me because I grew to accept that I was naturally always going to be an insecure person. It’s kind of been my screen to filter the world through but I’m learning that it shouldn’t be.

-something that can go away on its own. It takes a lot of conscious effort to rewire how you think. I’m 22 and I’m only learning *now* how to deal with it in a constructive way.

-easy to deal with. It’s incredibly painful

-your fault. Insecurity is never your fault.

This is what I have so far, without outside medical research or anything like that. It also can go hand-in-hand with passivity.

Statements you can say to yourself that can help you ground yourself in reality when irrational thoughts start to appear:
-that you ARE in control

-that your irrational thoughts are IRRATIONAL THOUGHTS and nothing else. They are liars.

-you can also just start talking to yourself haha. That helps me!

-once you are aware of insecurity, the more likely you can nip its existence in the bud and move on with productivity
It’s going to be a long journey. In the end I think the one way to conquer fear is to just face it, so in the case of my social anxiety, I have to do what frightens me to no end sometimes and that’s being the one to initiate conversations with strangers.

-cut negative people out of your life. I noticed that I’m attracted to people who are insecure/have emotional problems themselves, and I can’t have that and neither should they.

Conclusion I guess:

-just do it. I already feel better writing this out :> If you can keep doing that, I think you (I? lol) will be stronger and braver like a lion. Perseverance is key.

Odd thing that I've found helping me with my insecurities and quirks: books.
Right now I'm reading The Difference Maker by John C. Maxwell and next will be starting on How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
I suggest a copy you can go through with a highlighter, whether a physical copy or I have them on my phone and can highlight that way. It makes things stick more.
» MidnightMonkey on 2013-04-18 11:33:03

All of my wealth mentors and life coaches have been suggesting reading to me for a while now and it took me forever to listen and now that I have I've already started to notice the difference in myself.
» MidnightMonkey on 2013-04-18 11:34:59

This is quite a long list. You know, I don't tend to think of you as an insecure person. I guess you hide it well?

I have the same issue with Facebook. At the same time though, since people usually just post when they're doing something, it really skews your perspective of how their lives are. I have one friend on there who just posts boring stuff like "I'm sleepy" and "My throat is sore," and even though they seem like pretty dull status updates, at the same time it's a nice anchor to remind me that other people are just doing normal boring things too.
» randomjunk on 2013-04-19 01:29:50

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