Alright to make a correction in my previous post, I feel like talking to someone desperately AFTER SCHOOL as a way to unwind and talk about events. At home nobody wants to talk to me hahaha. During school I like being with the right people. I should appreciate them more actually because sometimes it seems like I don't. I'm all quiet and stuff...yeah it's like if they're not going to hang out with me who else will? so it's all good.

Stupid unfinished chinese homework.

And I always say that people don't call me...well maybe I should call them huh? But then I'm afraid of the reactions I'll get when I call. Because I know what it feels like to be called by someone and you don't feel like talking to them. It's like ouch. It's not that you don't like them...it's just a little awkward. Well might as well try one day. My friend did that with me and now I appreciate her input and time with me. So maybe I should reach out more too.

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I desperately want to talk to someone. Not about anything personal....I just want to FREAKIN' TALK!

I guess I'm getting lonely.

And I'm glad that my old town friends are contacting me again. So awesome to hear from them...

*sigh*

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Rough night yesterday....next morning I had extreme puffy eyes. But they're all better now.

Last night I found out some things. And I finally told my mom what was bothering me all these years. It was difficult at first but I gradually began to unwind. She didn't believe some parts of it but definitely believed the parts when I said I was being hurt and uncomfortable. I underestimated her. Know I really know why she's always snapping at me to stop wasting my time. Because that's just what I've been doing. Mostly just doing things that takes away from what's really important. I have to go to college no matter what. That sort of puts aside my problem for a bit but when the time comes when I have my own power, I can finally do something about it. It's good that my mom knows this.

And also I really hate money.

Don't be a housewife. Or househusband I don't know...

It truly sucks to rely on people for your wellbeing. So don't rely on someone for your life. That's why there are *ding* JOBS.

And I'm not going to instant message anymore. It's just a way of avoiding true contact with the people you know and love.

My facebook, xanga, and nutang...well I'll go on less. I won't terminate my accounts but I'll just go on less.

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Well tomorrow is the start of school again. I'm already missing certain papers for chemistry. And I never went to any of the extra practices for swimming. (I'm falling behind on learning the flip turns). So I'm not quite sure how school will turn out tomorrow...

These past couple of days have been filled with grudge. It all begins with my mother. She's become even more snappy, more critical, more angry, more opinionated. When my dad's away at school, she's stuck at home with my sister and me. When he's not here, she's grumpy. But when he is home, she suddenly becomes all happy again. All she does all day is watch T.V., go on the computer, and sleep. Every single freakin' day except for days when she goes to work. And she always snaps at us that we're the lazy bones and we need to go out and do more things. She's obsessed with money. I'm serious. I thought all those questions of what my friend's parents did for a living were just for knowledge. She's so freakin' desperate for personal gain. We can never really satisfy her anymore. She's becoming a TOTAL pain. Now I have two parents to deal with and I doubt now that I'll have faith in one, let alone two, in the future.

There are no other ways to vent out my anger. I could write because that always works...but writing hurts my hand. When I write I go VROOOOMMMMMM.

"An Ipod would be nice ^__^. But nobody's going to be gettin' me any of those and I'm not going to ask my parents because they've got more important matters to worry about."

*wink wink*

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Birthday Gifts
Sunglasses from mom
and a certain gift I will reveal at school

I really hope I don't sound too conceited naming all these gifts =p

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Birthday Gifts
A $25 gift card to various music stores, a card, and a chocolate cake from Kendra
A bracelet, a card, and The Spongebob Squarepants Movie from Angie
A Hallmark e-card from Varsha

I'm a sad person. Not sad as in pitiful but sad as in the emotion sad. I found out that emotions are useless. People always ascribe their emotions and what they're feeling at that moment to the big picture or large schemes of things. Like if you're happy you will generalize and say "Life is good!", but you're only happy that one particular moment. Life is not good. Like love, it's not a feeling, it's a commitment. My friend wrote that on her blog. A few days ago I thought I knew what that meant. But now I don't. A little bit due to memory loss and the rest is just vague understanding. I want someone to teach me what love is. Because I feel like I forgot.

My official birthday is tomorrow.

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